responsibility

lately, i felt my responsibility had gone heavier. i began to play guitar in youth after a long break. embarassingly i played very lousy. i don't even know the chords, even if i know them, i couldn't play them well. my fingers seemed to be hard on them. since dear dear was not able to play during these period, so i was asked to play them. ah mei also helped, she played when it was her turn of worship leading. later on i will go into worship lead also. i saw how people do it but i don't know whether i can do it myself or not. but this responsibility of mine is better than the job i had. i almost felt like i have nothing to do. although i know why God put me in there as a hiding place, i felt very ignored. sometimes they provide laughter but it was an empty laughter. last time when i worked there for 1 month, they were all very friendly and happy but now there seemed to be a lot of gossip around here and there and there was a 'department fight'. last time i didn't felt it because i was in a very 'comfortable situation' and i didn't notice anything, but now i realised there was many things that i didn't know then. then i realised that one jealous step could make a big argument and unwanted gossip. there seemed to be dislikement between each other. most of us were still young and the ignorance of the older ones cause these unwanted situation. sometimes i also felt not fair in certain situation but i couldn't do anything to it except accepting it and move on as aunty taught us SUMO = shut up and move on. well, if you keep jealous about it and talked about it, it'll become a gossip and there'll be unforgiveness inside the heart. why not just forget about it and do something else which is better? i don't want to develop a heart that always want to hate something, it will force the heart to work harder. i would rather want it to be comfortable and lovely so that i can enjoy many other thing that a hatred and unforgiveness heart cannot do. somehow i felt i need to do something in my work place to bring salvation to them and save the hatred situation but i don't know how. i'm afraid that i couldn't do well and i'm not well equipped.